New Kid

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New Kid

FlawedDiamond
Just wanted to say hi b4 I start jumping into discussions.. Im 28 Asexual female but for all intents and purposes the female body is more pleasing to the eye so thats what I usually go for in a 'vic' .. plus guys wanna dominate usually, I go for male soc's if I bump into them but once I spot an ounce of weakness in an empath he has no chance of ever being called a man in my presence.

The first thing about me is that I enjoy being who I am. I don't lie to my victims, I don't believe in monogamy, and I'm aggressive as sh*t. I Have a baby face and, although Im not a narcissist,  I know I'm attractive, and the people who swarm me and act like being with me was the best thing in their lives, well they don't help.
Its only recently (the last 3 years) that I've come to terms and actually accepted and embraced my 'disorder'. After years of messing up relationships inadvertently because I didn't know who I was, therefore couldn't possibly begin to know what I wanted.. I've always been popular, plenty of friends.. but I just couldnt connect or feel strongly for people.

I used to assume it was I was raised in a military family, I thought moving so much made me not need ppl, and they became disposable to me because I had a new set of friends with every new city.. but once I became involved (what was supposed to be emotionally) I found myself the perpetrator of many a broken heart.

I used to lie constantly, mostly to cover up my doggish ways, infidelity.. then one day I said FUCK IT.
I didn't realize that I was a soc just yet, but I knew that people I knew seemed to want to make me out to be the villain like they hadn't been singing my praises and plotting on throwing God out of the heavens for me just weeks prior.  And I was tired of presenting myself as the flawed diamond when really Im the evolved diamond,
too often are we out casted for the things we do , yes, which can be fucked up, but just because we rationalize them doesn't make us bad ppl, we just don't give a fuck to ponder the ethics behind what needs to be done...
The way I came to terms with the diagnoses for my evolution was, I had a girl who I tried to keep but no matter what I couldn't convert her to the willing victim for the life of me. In true Soc form, me being willing to wait it out, knowing that she WILL (AND HAS) come back for more, we became friends, me giving her advice for the men she dates (oh, side note, Im a very pretty woman with a mans brain).. as a term of endearment she started calling me her 'alien friend' .. one of those situations where she knew something was off about me, but didnt have the knowledge to put her finger on it... so one day she calls me out of the blue, and breaks the news to me..
"Hey, you know how I been calling you an alien for like a year, well, I know what you really are now"
She'd taken up psychology. And upon studying disorders, "Right before schitzophrenia" was a whole chapter, written specifically about, to, and for me apparently!! That was two years ago. I did my own research, and found the textbook definitions to be downright offensive if you ask me.
There are so many different factors, I truly dont feel we can be defined, but quite simply, I dont give a fuck. And never did! as a child, my mom called me nonchalant.. but who knew that it wasnt that I didnt give a fuck, I just couldnt. A friend of mine died in the 9th grade and I forced tears because her mother of all people thought it odd I wasn't crying at my best friends funeral.

I know ppl exist who can genuinely feel these things I fake, but some empaths are over the top with it. I question how anyone could feel how they claim to feel over lil ol me. do I really look THAT good? Is there NOBODY on the planet who possesses the sexual prowess I do? (The secret is, my own orgasm need not ever take place, the whole act is a ploy to get my victim more attatched to me so I focus on them ) Often I find I've left the room, meanwhile my body is on autopilot while I plot the next chess move.

I have strong 'want' feelings, yearnings, but falling 'in love' for me is like eating. I seek, I find, Im done until I seek again. The thrill for me is being whatever you need, when you need it, how you need it.. and then taking it from you when I feel you've had more than your share and giving it back to you at the very moment you'd gathered enough strength not hurt from my absence The moment you decided you were over me. or so you thought. Once someone is my property however, their MINE. Im very territorial, and at my most primitive I'm violent and have been abusive in the past. verbally I will probably always be, but physically I feel like I'm too intelligent to keep letting my Hulk run rampant, and trust me I know when hes coming, and I used to leave the gate unlocked. So now I choose my victims more wisely, I need to be around those who want to give themselves for me to keep, not trying to tame wild empaths its silly and could wind me up in prison or worse. Those I see who thrive off drama, I have to throw them back to the fish.

I have this thing I say, 'you know your fucked up when a sociopath leaves you' its sad but true, knowing I dont want the weak mess Ive created... .. Im really here to give advice to those seeking it, how to master your urges, how to master other people, I've gotten quite good on blending in while still  maintaining an existence in which I am satisfied. And I have a lot to learn as well.

So yea, just saying hi before we all become friends. *Cheshire cat grin

B4 anyone wants to tell me I'm not what I am.. this isn't even the whole tip of the iceberg.

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Re: New Kid

funny face
welcome to the club
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Re: New Kid

Seamus
A ring-a-ding-ding.
Kao
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Re: New Kid

Kao
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Re: New Kid

FlawedDiamond
Kao wrote
interesting concepts.

im studying a female socio right now (primarily with my dick), and i have some questions for you primarily refering to the more social aspects of female socio operations.

what is your immediate family structure? ( include personalities/dispositions of members )

when you mentioned the moment they are almost over you, can you elaborate and explain how you determine that moment? when that moment happens what do you do?

to clarify your inferences: are you passive, letting targets choose you; or do you actively choose which ones you want?

I like your method of study lol..
ok
Mother: very affectionate, loves children, really fussy overbearing sometimes. As a child I thought she preferred my brothers and thus hated me because I wasnt a boy, this would later (i believe) start my tomboyish ways in competition for that attention they had. Later that yearning for her attention turned to disdain for her during my teenage years, as an adult coming to terms with who I am, we have a very close relationship, that is, Ive mastered her by keeping our relationship light and affectionate, much like all the women in my life. Im the perfect daughter now. she also revealed to me that when she was in her twenties she ran a daycare, and sometimes she would have the strong urge to pinch other peoples babies, which I know is in one of the personality disorders, I just cant recall right offhand.she believes in the rod but not "call cps" abusive, just in an attempt to keep us scared of something.  she dealt with bouts of depression during my childhood sometimes lasting months with her curtains drawn, the whole nine, which left me and the (originally 5 now 7) siblings to fend for ourselves because our

Father: is and was a workaholic, with such a big family of course he had to be. So women to him were pretty much babysitters..He was my lighthouse in the storm that was my mother, he would come home from weeks of working out of town/state bearing gifts for me, his only daughter at one point. He rarely raised his hand to me, although my older brother was a different story. Its a situation where I dont really know him as a man in the world but Ive always been extra fond of him.

older brother: by 2 years, I believe he is a soc as well but he's more outwardly violent and misogynistic than I, although we have much in common and share similar stories of our funny endeavors. I was the little brother he didnt have I followed him and still to this day he and I are close although we physically fight should the 'disorders' clash.

my younger sister is 7 years my junior so she didnt really play a role in early childhood save for that my older brother mother her during my mom depression.as an adult she suffers from bipolar and shes somewhat emotionally retarded and afraid of commitment. and we all use weed as a balance beam. Live by it.

Younger bro by 1 year and were both the same sign, hes just coming back into my life, when my parent split they divied the kids, the top two and youngest went with my mother to become army brats and juvies growing into adult con artists.

the moment I said they think theyre over me, honestly, I never know when that moment is, could be that fate aligned that moment, or maybe I was cycling my attention and making my rounds, and when they pop back into my radar is that moment for them. I think any time I reach out is that time. sometimes they reach out and I ignore them. sometimes I respond.

Im in no way passive, unless I have slipped up and let my hulk slip in undetected, at which time Im smart enough to know some retribution is in order, then I play the flawed diamond role, and its all good after the best sex of their lives.  Im an active hunter, and when I have disposed of a muse (as what I officially call them) or when leave, I have to fill that void immediately which is the only time I party and interact with others outside my small circle.


Kao
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Re: New Kid

Kao
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Kao
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Re: New Kid

Kao
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Re: New Kid

FlawedDiamond
My mom certainly has narc tendencies, and yea my father was distant physically but was very affectionate when he was around.. My mom and I still dont discuss matters of sex, because I wont participate in the conversation, but she has no problem mentioning her sex life to me. Never asked any questions about mine. ..
Earlier I forgot to mention I have a daughter, shes a narc and an expert manipulator. I see her for what she is overly sensitive in that her feelings are hurt easily, and if I remember correctly when I like age 4 or 5 when I would get yelled at my throat would literally hurt, so I always thought those were my feelings, and the other day she mentioned that to me so Im wondering if maybe I was too sensitive as a child and experienced a shut down of emotional growth from then.
 my lil sis yea shes def socially retarded, her best friend is a nut case and shes the more normal of the two.

 
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Re: New Kid

Wondering
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Hi New Kid...I'm pretty new myself here, thanks for letting us know about you. I am not a socio however I have MUCH EXPERIENCE with them...I'd say the majority of my boyfriends were Sociopaths. I never knew what one was until about a year and a half ago..I was with the last guy for 11 years believe it or not...I was quite useful to him. Anyway..I attract them like flies honestly but I am now aware of it and study EVERYTHING about a person I may date. This last guy (first since the break up) I believe is a Sociopath. I have several posts on here describing him (I pretty much know but I think I want to hear a socio's opinion - you would most likely know. Anyway..I called it off with him 3 months into it; it's only been 2 weeks since I broke up with him..I had tried in the past but of course he ALWAYS manipulated me back. I knew what was happening, was lonely and didn't really care that he was but I was getting pretty attached to him and KNEW, KNEW, KNEW, this was going to be VERY BAD for me to pursue. Anyway, to get rid of him..I told him he doesn't care about anybody and "you are a sociopath" on text. He hasn't spoken a word to me since, texted or emailed. Completely gone and I was doing a project for him on his website which he was dying for it to get done. Anyway long stories. Anyway, check out my posts if you want and tell me....do YOU think he is a Sociopath? Or am I just paranoid. I think he is one but I just want someone else to give me their opinion. I've had some conversations on here and some really great advice. Really. But anyway...the more opinions the better.
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Re: New Kid

FlawedDiamond
I'd be more than happy to
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Re: New Kid

Oh, You Know
This post was updated on .
In reply to this post by FlawedDiamond
Wow. From reading so many of your other posts I could already tell that you and I had a lot in common, but after reading this thread I see I was right.

I could just about change "female" to "male" and "siblings" to "cousins that lived with me" and our stories fit beautifully.  I was even first put down the right path to discovering what I am through a friend who read up on sociopathy and identified us both as one.  I always knew that him and I just "clicked" but I don't think neither of us knew why before then.


I hope to get to know you better, through directly talking to you rather than simply observing you, as you seem like a lot of fun.  I'm not a narc, but I very much enjoy like-minded people.


Random side note: I like how you closed with the iceberg line.  People love to presume that WHAT-LITTLE-WE-REVEAL is enough to accurately diagnose us as a non-socio.  It's as if they don't grasp the fact that we are secretive by nature, and wouldn't reveal the most identifying traits anywhere.  From your comment it made me determine you have had to deal with these idiots as well.


Even though I am even newer here than you are, welcome.
My father said he knew I was a bit off ever since he took me to see Jaws as a kid, and I rooted for the shark.
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Re: New Kid

Oh, You Know
In reply to this post by Kao
That is a strange finding to be sure.  I too fit that bill.  My mother is a narcissist and my father was always away working 2, sometimes 3 jobs at a time.  I'm an only child, but a large portion of my childhood I lived with my cousins who, between the four of them, fit all the "sibling" requirements.
My father said he knew I was a bit off ever since he took me to see Jaws as a kid, and I rooted for the shark.
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Re: New Kid

JRochette
In reply to this post by Kao
Not to go too far off track but I find Kao's study quite interesting and I would like to contribrute.

My father was also distant in my life growing up,abusive, etc. My mother wasn't a narc perse but she had medical issues that caused the attention of the whole family/ everyone around to be focussed on her constantly as she was close to death so I believe that could have had the same impact, who knows. As for orientation I am male, I usually go for females, not just any either I'm extremely picky as to what I find aesthetically pleasing (5'2" - 5'9", Raven Black/Blonde/Aero Chocolate Brown/ or Strawberry blonde/red hair, 110-130lbs) however if the guy checked off all of the points in my mental checklist for manipulation then I might go for him aswell depending on his looks.

As for what I find attractive in terms of my checklist the person must be open, caring, have slightly unstable emotions (so I can swing them), nowhere near my level of intellect (sadly where I live this is the norm...I really would atleast like to test my manipulation on someone of competence to see how good I am). They also need to be vulnerable, I like when a girl either has daddy issues of abandonment or really close to daddy because mom is a bitch, that makes my day so easy. Meet daddy once or twice, analyze him, add some of his emotional pattern to my mask and then my work is done.

For any long term relationship the person would basically need to be a human pleasure machine. If I want pleasure they should be waiting on me. I have only had that once though and it only lasted about 2 months before she couldn't take it anymore.

Little bit long but I hope it helps Koa, keep me updated if you find out more on this topic, I find it quite interesting.

@ FlawedDiamond

I havn't met many females with personality disorders before, only one possible. It was a weird experience too, not at all like meeting a male socio.  I'm a fan of how she toyed with people, a great tactic but too overt for a male. We were at a mutual acquaintance's house and she was using her looks and sexual nature to distract while she easily manipulated most of the guys there and she even manipulated their girlfriends through jealousy. (It was actually quite funny that the people there didn't notice her scheme at all). Once she turned to me though I think there was a mutual understanding of "if we play this game it's going to get messy" so she gracefully bowed out of the room once she had her fun. I actually hope to meet her again, she was quite interesting, definately something to study.

If I think of any questions regarding female socios I'll probably be asking you Flawed as it is a subject that I am interested in, however, at this time I can't think up questions worth asking.
Kao
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Re: New Kid

Kao
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Re: New Kid

JRochette
@Kao

I only have step siblings that entered my life when I was around 10. Both are attention seekers. The first does it through his social life as a club manager and the other seeks neediness for his Cerebral Palsy (he is HF but he tries to act LF for attention and to get his way).