Ive said this on the comments section and I will say it here. Why are you here, dearie? This is a blog full of PD and callous predators. It seems that you come here only to be victimized further, especially by revealing to us all these details of your life.
I get that you come here with hopes that you will get some honest truth, but if the honesty is meant to hurt you (like the way UKan has used your past) you are not getting help. I think medusa has or had a legitimate interest in helping you, but she is selfish, and she cannot handle your back-and-forth with her. Why should she? She has no stake in you, Erin. It's nothing personal, I think...it's just the truth.
You are here because being hurt is all you know. And BEING here shows me that you WANT people to keep hurting you, because that is what VALIDATES your idea that you deserve to be hurt. And that is what you believe, isn't it Erin? That this is exactly what you deserve. You're simply continuing trends over and over. From childhood when your mother betrayed your trust, youre fundamental faith in your worth was shaken, and ever since you continue to find the people that allow you to continue believing you deserve pain. This is all you know-no wonder you say you are so numb!
That you are here reinforces that. I might say your writing style seems so innocent and young because you are trapped as that child whom your mother broke.
You need REAL actual help. I can read your words but I can't see your face. Don't get me wrong. Medusa is very intelligent and insightful and maybe she could help you but I don't think this is the way to go about it. You keep projecting onto her, and anyway I'm sure she has problems of her own. You are a bit...well, sporadic with her, and she doesn't have any reason to take that from you, she doesn't even know you...and if she has a PD herself, you really think she's the best choice?