I have finally reached the end of my tether!I don't know were to go from here
My daughter is 9 and is a true sociopath. I have had problems with her since she was about 2. She has always wanted my attention and has battled with her older sister and brother for it. She put her head in a gas fire while it was alight,tried to kill a cat, emptied washing in front of the bath so that any one could fall and smith their face on the bath. She has head butted me, smacked me in the face with a bottle and kicked me. I have told drs, health visitors and have had social workers involved.
On the 10th feb 2011 she was taken in to care. I had confiscated her tv for 3 wks and had been nagged at continuously, I finally gave in as I was decorating her room for her birthday. I put up a new lamp shade and told her not to flick the switch. As I had my hand in the light she flicked it! I told her off and told her the consequences is I'd have been electrocuted. There was no emotion. She continually tried to get my attention all night and pushed and pushed. She went to bed at 9 and at 9.30 I realised there was something wrong. I went upstairs and she had put the tv on! She had lost her tv 3 wks earlier for the same thing. I flipped and smacked her twice on her bum.
Next day I went the drs to sound off and for help.. Again. I went to school to pick her up at home time to find the police and social services there. They had interviewed my daughter who had told them I smacked her every day... That is a total lie. They took my daughter into care and I was given a caution for battery. I now cannot work for the next 5 yrs as I cannot work with kids or adults with problems.. That covers the whole spectrum of jobs.
social services sent me to the mental health team, a psychologist and a psychiatrist. In the mean time my daughters foster caters were finding out exactly what I had been through and even got in touch with me to calm her down as they couldn't control her.
I fought for my daughter for 9 months and finally got her home on the 10 nov 2011. Things have not changed, she is worse. Everything is a battle. I have an English bull terrier that she continually aggravates and have warned her of the consequences. She has stole from me, set paper alight and will argue with me over everything. Nobody is helping us and I don't know were to turn any more. I'm bored of shouting at her and grounding her....
I was married to her dad for 6 yrs and was exactly the same. He run me into the ground. Head butted me and tried to kill me. He made us all homeless and walked away from his daughter and still blames me for what he did.. My daughter does the same.....were do I go from here?????
A sociopaths behavior starts long before they are "old enough to be one." A sociopath is a sociopath whether or not the age requirement (which had to be made by a sociopath) is reached for clinical labels. No matter how bad you have it at home, the "normal" reaction isn't to completely destroy the life of their provider (author's dramatization used).
That said, she could simply be a rebelling child and not a true sociopath. If you are lucky, because a rebelling child there is still hope for dealing with. If she is simply angry find out why she is. Spend more time with her and see if that helps. Try entertaining her or doing things you both like (although that is probably easier said than done). If it doesn't help, you are shit out of luck. If it does help, it will likely make a pretty significant difference.
General rule of thumb about this forum; don't claim to be the victim. Sociopathy is largely nurtured, meaning you are at the very least responsible for allowing the father to be around her and make her that way. Rebelling children is almost entirely your fault, but at least it can be curd.
My father said he knew I was a bit off ever since he took me to see Jaws as a kid, and I rooted for the shark.
"I had confiscated her tv for 3 wks and had been nagged at continuously, I finally gave in as I was decorating her room for her birthday"
That was problem 1. Not only did you take away her possession (damn that would piss me off and I NEVER stood for it as a kid) but you were weak and gave it back because of nagging. This proves to her that she has the upper hand (too late to fix now). As Kao said, punishment doesn't work as we do not see "wrong" in the same way as norms, try reward for good behaviour and explaination for wrong behaviour then your daughter will learn social contexting and atleast understand why things are deemed wrong by social standards (although she may not see them as wrong).
I do not see this mother as a narc, I see her as a concerned parent who is acting in distress of her daughter but approaching it the wrong way. I believe it is semi normal for a parent to approach a topic in such a way as they are overwhelmed by the way their child is acting.
I was full out torturing animals by the age of 7. I had 4 murders fully planned (but never executed) by the age of 10. Furthermore I had 2 teachers fired due things I have said as well as caused 3 therapists to have mental breakdowns all before the age of 15. Glad to know I wasn't sociopathic back then and I magically became a sociopath on my 18th birthday.
I would agree Medusa in terms of a label. However I was a sociopath from an early age, they can call it what they want but that doesn't change the symptomology (yes I know the differences that CAN be there but when they arn't the kid is just a socio being told they have conduct disorder). Then I turned 18 and my label changed after a few weeks with some tests, my symptomology did not change since I was 15, therefore I was a socio before they gave me that name. You can call an apple an orange as much as you want but guess what, it is still an apple, you were just calling it an orange.
@ Original Poster
I never judged you, I actually tried helping you by relating whaat you said about your daughter to myself and then stating what would have helped me in a similar situation. Yet you sit there and attack my help. I smell an internet troll lurking here. However, if you are not then get your kid checked out. I tried explaining why punishments won't work. As a socio I see nothing as inherently right or wrong. However, over the years, I have labelled different circumstances right or wrong based on social acceptance of the situation in question. Now I know what society deems as right and wrong although I do not necessarily agree. This took YEARS to accomplish and I am still learning, do not expect your 7 year old to be at that point. You need to explain why things are wrong in the social context so she can make those labels. Punishing her will just cause her to lash out.
On a different note still @OP.
Did you really expect hugs, kisses, teddy bears, and gumdrops when you asked a bunch of SOCIOPATHS for help on an internet forum and then attack the information that they are trying to provide? If you did then I think you really are the one with a problem.
That is something I forgot to mention. STRONG authority or explaination work (I guess depending on the socio to see what would work better, I can't speak for all cases but I always found explaination useful) however having authority and allowing subordination (allowing the TV back because you were getting nagged) destroys the sense of authority and allows the subordinate to take dominance if they want it. The best way to help a socio is to make sure you help them become HFS or atleast have some HFS tendencies.