Thanks Fedup, I think secrecy is the best policy. I'm sure she's used to keeping secrets although she's not a very strong woman so as long as I keep her thinking about the possitives while making it very clear that telling would ruin it I'm sure it can work out. I don't want to put her under alot of stress is the main thing so I don't want to be too strong on the whole secrecy pact or guilt trip her if she does slip up. Some lying about the basics might cover my tracks and leave me able to walk away if things get uncomfortable.
If I'm honest I would have to be very subtle in any framing I did. She's the kind of person to worry about new ideas and upsetting any sort status quo. I think reassurance that she is doing the right and normal, non fuss thing to come meet me would make her feel alot better and then any sort of telling would then be seen as upsetting the status quo.
And in answer to your questions.
No. She's not obsessed with him. She isn't allowed to really speak for herself, but I think it more relies on her acceptance of the situation than anything. She might be, but it comes across that she really wants to break out and my granddad uses that as a ploy to bring other people in.
Sort of but as a tool mostly. They do most things together but as far as interest it's more a situation of that's mine dont touch that rather than any true obsesive interest.
He's really a chore to be around but no trouble to keep him thinking he's the manipulative master mind. You know he's not caring for anyone but he's not very bright and so everything he does is very transparent (but then this is true for most sociopaths) I find sociopaths easy to be around because they're just simple and true to form. But sometimes it's a bit like staring into a their void and they're staring into yours. I would much rather muddle my way through human emotions of others and my self. Some sociopaths are just irritating though and it's usually me trying to pull someone out of their way that gets me in a fuss. Usually it's the person I'm trying to help that gets me the most annoyed because they don't understand the problem when it's spelled out and would prefer to think of things on their terms which usually means "oh so and so, oh no they're lovely." Idiots kind of have it coming after that.
Every now and then when they go on a road trip and happen to be going our way to visit a family friend. Usually just I go to check they're ok, no major differences.
They both think I'm a great grandson. I tick most of the boxes well enough
@Funun Sociopath are only transparent if they are LF or exposed.
@topic I don't have much to add, sense they share my advice, but I will say that people tend to "accept" their life no matter what it is as they get up in the years. Unless he is currently a threat to her health (he is threatening or hitting her, for example), there is no reason to expose him to your grandma. Ignorance is bliss, and she probably wont believe you anyway (or be willing to change anything if she does).
My father said he knew I was a bit off ever since he took me to see Jaws as a kid, and I rooted for the shark.