Ok so I am under the spell of a sociopath right now. Through my research and reading on here I have learned that sociopaths can love but in a different way from us norms. And I know that most norms would warn me about dating a sociopath but honestly I know what I'm getting into and I am so tired of boring lame guys. This guy has helped me in so many ways I can't even say. He has helped me build up a thicker skin, have a better sense of humor, helped respark my creative streak I haven't seen since a child, and made me actually feel again rather than go through life like a numb robot like I had for the last 5 hrs of my life. And yes like a true sociopath he has caused me lot of grief too. But coming from a good-hearted norm...I think sociopaths hold an important place in society and without them our world would be a lot more dull (that is just my opinion).
My main question is...why does this guy get fearful when I show him love? I see it clear as day in his eyes...it is the only thing he is truly afraid of...that and losing me. I ended it with him once and he looked awful....like nothing I had ever seen before...it was like he got hit by a truck but worse.
Also, are there different levels of a sociopath? Or do u think it is just black and white with no gray in between...either a person feels or they don't or they feel but only a little bit.
How do I make him court me again and pursue me? He is acting so cocky that he has me because I'm so much better looking than him. He gets so overly sensitive when I say things sumtimes and he takes them out of context. How do I get him to trust me so he can let himself fall for me? Also how do I get him to stop judging me so I can be myself around him. And how do I not let him knock my confidence down when I am really vulnerable? he does this because he thinks it is funny but what he doesn't get is that he
Doesn't get the best of me when he does that.
This is the most interesting relationship I have ever been in. I am a psychology lover, vampire nerd, and obsessed with the art of seduction...so it was only natural I fell in love with a sociopath.
And something else to ad here. I think the reason why I can appreciate sociopaths is because I remember as a child it tool me longer than other children around me to develop emotionally. I was very distant and selfish and at funerals for loved ones I remember feeling embarrassed that people would think I was evil because I couldn't cry or feel bad. I know that a lot of children don't understand these things but I remember what it feels like to be so selfish and have such a lack of empathy. It wasn't until I went through a hardship as a child where I thought my world was going to collapse around me that started to feel strong emotion for fear that I would lose everything around me. That is when I started to feel empathy.
First of all socios don't experience love, so the goal if getting him to love you is futile. You can gain his affection though. It sounds like he feels like he's got you already. You need to turn the tables to get him to chase. Like all men , socios get bored when there is no chase or excitement. The most important thing you can do is keep him guessing.
What worked with mine when he started acting this way was to decide that I could and would walk away. I never verbalized this to him, but he sensed it. They are extremely good at that.
Step 2- have a friend you enjoy text you while you are with him. Make sure it looks like you are trying to hide who you are texting and that you don't want him to know you are getting texts at all- change your ringer to silent/vibrate if it's usally on.
Change your phone passcode, have your friend's number come up as just a number, no contact attached. If he sees your phone hide it. Keep it with you at all times so that he can't see what you are up to. If he asks about it just say an old friend from wherever needs advice. But always smile when you text/get a text. Being covert is the key.
Look like you are trying to keep from being caught at something and don't let him "catch" you. And I'm telling you the more you hide what you are doing the more he'll care, especially if you start being unavailable for plans.
You have given him a chase, a challenge, competition and a mystery. It kills the boredom and makes him second guess the slot he's placed you in. Worked for me.
Thanks for your advice. Hmmmm....but I am still perplexed with this guy. Like this is so stupid we are always playing so many mind games with each other that it keeps us away from each other. it is so annoying...I miss him like crazy and when we see each other we just go on a simple date. He was in a 6-yr relationship and she ended up cheating on him....after that he was in search of a good heart and he found it with me. But it is like he doesn't know how to handle me. He always seems to keep a safe distance from me...like he has a hard time controlling himself around me sexually and I do for him. He wants to build my trust so he can stop scaring me when we r around eachother because he ultimately thinks I am perfect wife material for him. I told him that he sees me as a weakness to him and that is why he barely sees me but can't let go of me. He agreed with me. Like for some reason he bugs out and I c fear in him when he starts to "fall" for me and then he runs away. Now I am no expert but I honestly don't know if this guy is a full blown socio or has double personality or maybe some bipolar in him....but 1 thing....he refers to himself as an asshole...but he is just a different breed of assholes...he tries go disguise what he does as just regular guy stuff but it's not true.
Is there any other tips out there on how I can keep this socio in my life?? How do I get him to live up to his word with me and do stuff for me and buy me things?? Lol.
Socios recoil from "true" feelings until if and when they finally embrace the person they have fallen for. Socio-love is quite different than empath love in that empath love benefits empath mentality (seeking connections with people), where as socio love hinders our mentality (seeking self satisfaction and placing no one before us). It is only natural that we defensively evade sincere feelings or a connection strong enough to ensnare us the way we ensnare our victims.
I agree with Alice on how to get his attention. Make him paranoid and he will take interest in you. Most of the pets I became fondest of were the ones who treated me the worst. Personally, I find being made to squirm as delightful as making others squirm, especially when I know that is their intention.
My father said he knew I was a bit off ever since he took me to see Jaws as a kid, and I rooted for the shark.
Aha!! Thank you! Well it happens go be good news that I do treat him like shit and I mess with his head psychologically and he doesn't get bored from me. But damnit he is a hard guy to let someone in. Once he says he loves someone there is no turning back from it.
Something that really pisses me off is that i slept with him too fast...lol...when I met
Him I fell hard for him and had a real Romeo and Juliette moment...he has always had a hard time with this because I didn't let him court me for as long as he wanted. Lol jokes on me too cuz I have lent that asshole money that I haven't seen back yet and don't know if I will. I feel like he doesn't want to pay me back because he fears I will disappear from his life and also because he finds it amusing. My main point of contact is texting him...I rarely see him much anymore cuz when I wanna c him he thinks it is funny and leads me on and when he wants to see me it is so out of the blue that I'm not gonna ditch my plans for that jerk. So it is back and forth and unfortunately for me I am addicted to sending him texts like crazy when he pisses me off so I guess u r right and I should cut off the connection cold
Turkey and let him guess but damnit it is hard!!
Any other tips on how to win him over other than making him paranoid?
P.s. This guy is brilliantly smart but let me tell u...he can b pretty damn stupid too. Not
The smartest socio.
you sound so obsessed with making him feel something towards you, thats your first mistake. How I usually trick normal guys is I usually start bonding a friendship with them at first, then I completely ignore them making sexual tension and telling them what they want to hear, their interests, their love for things, and what they don't like in a girl blah blah blah...then we have sex after he wonders why i haven't been talking to him, i get drunk tell him i think he is hot in a short low cut v-neck and bamm sex that night, he became obsessed with me for a little after telling him about my bf, then he got bored, he might be a socio lol. because honestly I just love the sex. I actually had some really hot sex the other night that was choking fighting hitting, pretty awesome if i must say. then he went to go see his gf. lmao. oops.
anyways, just make yourself not feel anything towards him. if you can't stop obsessing then you already lost. it isn't going to happen, just move on because he will just become frustrated with you and make you see who he really is and make you fear him. i dated a psychopath before and because we were going back and forth on who feels what, he was busy with his wife and children that I just got bored.
I agree but this guy doesn't wanna lose me
And he isn't getting frustrated enough with me
To tell me to screw off. It is all games. He honestly has been there for me when I really needed comfort and he contacts me a day after we r assholes to eachother. Whether he is a socio or not I still
Haven't quite decided...but the best way to describe him is jekyll and Hyde ...here's a freaky fact about him...he looks like 2 different ppl. Either Jekyll or
Hyde...seriously it it is wild...whatever is on his inside at the moment comes out in his face. I have pics and u would not think this is the same guy...it is not just my opinion I swear. There is no way all of this stuff would be happening for this long if he was a norm...it would have ended a long time ago...and norms guys I'm familiar with aren't as smart as he can be. Really...this guy has a ton of common sense but no book smarts...but the only books he read ever r the
Twilight series...lol...and he doesn't come across as the type to read that stuff...but he is all
About learning how to get the best from people and yah...deep down he knows he is a vampire...a tall dark and handsome vampire bully who keeps picking on the hot nerdy
Girl who is smarter than she should be considering her looks.
The different look in different pic things sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You also added that he wasn't that bright- could be NPD. Look it up though and see if it's a match with your man. I'm curious...
PS Sam Vanknin (sp) is a Narc who writes about them- great articles.
Oh I forgot to put this on the annoyance page. Texting anywhere near me unless it is an incredably important message will piss me off 10 times out of 10. You are with me, so you should be paying attention to me. If you do not value this time and use it to text others then leave my pressence and go talk to them, otherwise put the damn phobe away, I don't have you in my vacinity to see your fingers move (well unless something else is going on, then moving fingers is fine). Texting near me would get me to kick you out of my house and find another girl before it made me more interested. However that might just be the socios that have a high self worth (narc traits), not sure.
Alice-thanks for that. Yes I have looked up narc before but from the info u far me I really starting to lean toward narc now.
Jrochette- lol I hear u. Honestly...I think that it doesn't matter what u r...a norm a socio or a narc ....everybody really is different. I know I personally get really pissed off at ppl texting around me all the time and I would tell them to stop. But my guy...I have a feeling I did it just a little his curiosity would spark and he wouldn't get really pissed at me.
@ Alice B - Sam Vankin self diagnosed as npd and wrote books about it to earn money. If you watch the documentary "I, Psychopath" where he undergoes diagnosis he is rather pissed off that he doesn't score as highly as he thought on npd traits.
I was rather surprised at the effect he seemingly had on the film maker as he came across as simply a petulant child rather than threatening.
And as for Sam Vankins wife, typical doormat material.
That is what my guy comes across as is a petulant child and I certainly don't wanna end up as anyone's doormat...I just keep thinking if we can get through this stuff and games that r going on then we would be a great alliance but I am getting the feeling that he really is looking for a doormat. So yah....I am too strong a woman to end up like that so I guess I better cut off contact. It sucks though cuz the damn love blinders r hard to get off after wearing them.
i just came out of a 12 year relationship with a sociopath/narc, not sure which as he seem to display all sorts of varying degrees of both. I went in with an open mind, I knew there were issues as he'd had a string of relationships that ended badly and violently, multiple jobs, etc.
i thought i would be the one to change him if i loved him enough. but is doesn't work like that. unless you become a non-thinking, non-human entity then there are nothing but problems. as long as you agree with everything, never question anything, constantly give reassurance, put up with the running around after other women, constant criticism etc etc then you can probably survive. then there is the physical violence if you do voice an opinion and the silence treatment. it was a mad house.
but i actually got bored with him. he was so superficial, a lot like teenagers or 2 year olds. you'd just go round in circles all the time, constant dramas. and the superficiality was so mind numbing.
it is exciting at first, you've got to see it for what it is, which is where i made my mistake. it should have been just a fling, but i threw away my marriage, spent my money, lost all my friends and family, and hurt my children and now i've got nothing.
but you've got to intellectualize it and understand that no amount of angst and empathy on your part is ever going to 'cure' anything. even the game playing, you loose in the end because they don't play fair. every time you think you've got the upper hand, wham, you get it back.
strangely it was my husband who introduced me to him as he wanted us to have a threesome, unfortunately i fell 'in love' with him.
"i thought i would be the one to change him if i loved him enough. but is doesn't work like that."
Actually, it worked like that for me. One former prize of mine done nothing other than love me with all her heart and it was enough to completely subdue me for quite some time (greatly subdue me even toward the end). She remained her own person completely and I wasn't particularly "controlling" of the relationship. Despite her wanting nothing to do with me anymore, she regards her time with me as "the best 6 months of [her] life." I would have to say that I feel the same. It is among the only moments in my life I even regard as good or bad at all.
Had she spoken up more (which socio want), we would still be together and I would still be taking every step necessary to be as "human" for her as inhumanly possible. She tamed the lion by merely being there for me and showing me, against the blind delusion that all socio have regarding humanity being a lost cause, that I can let my guard down around someone without getting path'ed.
So you see. It's not that sociopath can't change from being loved enough. It is just that you, as a person, failed to accomplish said task.
But that just sounds mean.
My father said he knew I was a bit off ever since he took me to see Jaws as a kid, and I rooted for the shark.
Oh, you know...u r so smart. That is exactly what I have wanted from this guy but I think in my case I speak up so much for myself and call him on his shit and play games back at him that he has turned sooooo damn cocky. I totally love this guy and I want to share more moments with him but he just makes it soooo impossible. He barely tries anymore and I know it is because I give in too fast. I told him right off tonight because he is losing less of his chivalry and just becoming more of a cocky jerk overtime. Like come on...I can't be a door mat...for this to work I have to be appreciated more. I feel like he is trying to ruin it. He very well could be a narc...I dunno maybe a mixture of some socio...but anytime I show him love he bugs out but he has no problem showing me any love.